Jokes (Please Keep Them Clean)

[OrchestraRicki]

Eh, what's up, Doc?  This is Hector.  I am not sure if there was a topic on jokes that we can come up with, but I would like to start this topic.  Because this is a family-oriented forum, I would like to recommend that keep the jokes clean.  Let us begin!

One day, the McGraws were at a fictional saloon, and, almost immediately, they became the best of brothers.
While there, Dr. Phil McGraw suggested to Quick Draw McGraw, "I think that you should seek counseling for horseplay psychology."
"I'll do the thinnin' around here, Dr. Phil, brother," responded Quick Draw.  "And don't you forget it!"
In response, Dr. Phil said, "Well, if you want to do the thinnin', then I suggest that you take my 60-day Weight Loss Challenge."

[BRB_TheFireball]

Well, nuts, I guess this means I can't tell an Aristocrats joke.

[OrchestraRicki]

Good comment there.  I went to the Wikipedia Website on the Aristocrats, and when I found out about the information on the jokes involved in the title, I came to find out that you were right for knowing that the jokes are not clean and would not fit the topic.  Thanks for the insight.  Here is another comedy:

There is a place in New York City that is perfect for mathematicians and where bunnies multiply.  Where is it located?

Times Square

[Hag]

Why did the fish go to the Academy of Music?

He wanted to be a piano tuna.

[Superballer]

What's the difference between a moose and an ant? 




A moose always has antlers, but it's hard to find an ant with mooslers. 

[rodroddyfan]

Why did the cashier run out of money?

Because they had no cents.

[tadixon757]

If Dan Klock (the dude in the clip seen at the link below) was to drop the first two letters from his last name and become a doctor, he too could call himself "Doc Ock".

[Ccook]

Johnny Carson did this 'un as Carnac:

Answer: "Stars And Stripes Forever."

Question: What do you see after getting kicked in the head by a zebra?

[Factory Head Noland]

If I could rearrange the periodic table, I would put U-238 and I-127 together.

[thmsbl08]

What do a nose and a river have in common?


A Bridge

[PriceFanArmadillo]

A good pun is its own reword.

[Superballer]

Why was the lime afraid of the letter S? 



It didn't want to get S-limed. 

[Ton80]

A good pun is its own reword.

Our local newspaper held a pun contest.  I sent in my ten best puns, hoping one of them would win.  No pun in ten did.

[Ccook]

The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line.

[Hag]

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?

Two-thirty.